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| 11:54pm 20/06/2007 |
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mood:  disappointed music: 9 Crimes-Damien Rice
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Wow
Some people choose to make the world such an ugly place for others
pretty sick
not about me...I'm speculating about a possible situation I suspected about someone I love
shameless |
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(2 mysteries | do you trust me?) |
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| 12:26am 07/06/2007 |
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who's seen jezebel?
she was born to be the woman i would know
and hold like the breeze
half as tight as both our eyes closed
who's seen jezebel?
she went walking where the cedars line the road
her blouse on the ground
where the dogs were hungry, roaming
saying, "wait, we swear
we'll love you more and wholly
jezebel, it's we, we that you are for
only"
who's seen jezebel?
she was born to be the woman we could blame
make me a beast half as brave
i'd be the same
who's seen jezebel?
she was gone before i ever got to say
"lay here my love
you're the only shape i'll pray to, jezebel"
who's seen jezebel?
will the mountain last as long as i can wait
wait like the dawn
how it aches to meet the day
who's seen jezebel?
she was certainly the spark for all i've done
the window was wide
she could see the dogs come running
saying, "wait, we swear
we'll love you more and wholly
jezebel, it's we, we that you are for
only" |
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(do you trust me?) |
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| Oh man |
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| 12:12am 06/04/2007 |
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Lately, I really regret having opened up to people
I wonder, if I hadn't become social after Brad and I broke up, would I be alive right now?
I don't know. Probably.
I just need to talk to my mom.
I just need to talk to someone who will not get sick of me, and I need to stop molding myself to try to match other people better.
I need to know who I am and not feel the need to talk or wonder about it out loud with people.
except maybe singing or performing
I want to make people laugh
instead of be miserable and get sick of me
I should probably go to church, but I don't know which one or how
I am just so lonely lately- every day- I'm just so lonely. I just want to see people. I just want to get out of here and see people.
I am working til 1:30 tomorrow. If anyone wants to do anything after that, let me know
I promise not to talk about any of this or be a drag. I just want to have some fun |
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(1 mystery | do you trust me?) |
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| 10:30pm 30/03/2007 |
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I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears
Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head |
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(do you trust me?) |
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| Good Intentions Gone Bad |
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| 11:05pm 16/12/2006 |
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mood:  frustrated music: Hallelujah
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So today
Today began with potential
Curves flew by, members decided to be insane and give me Christmas presents, and someone told me that looking into my eyes was like looking into the ocean
That was all really nice, and I was feeling pretty bouncy
Then, I went home and found out my Babcia wanted us to come over for Christine's birthday
So, it was just my father, Christine, and me...and Babcia, Uncle Stan, Aunt Iris, my little cousin Stas, and my step-cousin- Alex - they all live in my Babcia's house.
I love my Babcia and don't want her to be sad. This is the second daughter she's lost to breast cancer. But, she is controlling and oversteps her boundaries more and more often with things lately - really hurting my father and me (I don't know exactly what my siblings think), though she doesn't mean to. It just really hurts to be there sometimes- particularly when I find out I'm going so last minute. There have been so many last minute, forced get-togethers and masses said in memory of my mom. I hate these things. When my Aunt Pam and Uncle Joe are there, it's different...I guess cause we always got together and were happy. My mom was such a happy, good-natured, sweet, lovable, fun person, and people are ruining that memory of her for me. I want to remember her happily, and I'm sure she'd like to be remembered happily. When they make things sad, it's like they are erasing my memory of her...---->anguish
I got over there and buried my head in a pillow, because the usual, little things were depressing me so much...of course, people couldn't just let me be. They had to be like "what are you doing?" and stuff...like I couldn't just rest my head for a minute
When my father asked Stas (who is 7 or 8) about Christmas, he said "we're not decorating this year cause of Aunt Jadz"...and he repeated it a bunch of times...to my father...
That is so frustrating for me. I started to cry and could not stop...because my mother would NOT want that. I KNOW that for a fact. And her mother should know that. And her brother should know that. They are insane. And on another note, I would never do that to a child, either.
There were a bunch of other, little things too...the whole night was just ridiculous. They said the holidays would be rough, and they are...but since my happy memories of my mom outnumber the bad by far...I've barely cried...unless someone's given me reason to. I want so badly to talk to her...and I have so many amazing people to talk to about things...but I have so many important things in my life right now and no one will ever take her place
God I miss her so much |
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(1 mystery | do you trust me?) |
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| 02:55pm 07/11/2006 |
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mood: disappointed music: The Trapeze Swinger
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I remember when I used to not confide in people, and I'd keep my mouth shut about things. If people asked if I was okay, I'd say that I was. Granted, I didn't have as much going on then...but maybe that's not as unhealthy as people think. |
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(4 mysteries | do you trust me?) |
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| Music Nerds |
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| 08:41am 23/09/2006 |
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For those of you who were wondering where I got my awesome bag,
go here:
www.krismarie.com |
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(do you trust me?) |
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| 02:46pm 16/09/2006 |
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Ben and God.....
If they know of him at all, many folks think Ben Stein is just a quirky actor/comedian who talks in a monotone. He's also a very intelligent attorney who knows how to put ideas and words together in such a way as to sway juries and make people think clearly.
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The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary, Sunday, 12/18/05.
Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart: I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important?
I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.
Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are.
If this is what it means to be no longer young, it's not so bad.
Next confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a littl e bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people wa nt a crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?
I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too.
But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this Happen?" (regarding Katrina)
Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.
And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"
In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school . the Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.
Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.
Funny how you can send 'jokes' through
e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.
Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. |
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| 06:04am 13/09/2006 |
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Think about the following:
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for
Best Actor and Actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series Winners (by year).
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remembers the headliners of yesterday.
These are no second-rate achievers.
They're the best in their fields.
But the applause dies.
Awards tarnish.
Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Now here's another quiz.
See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your
journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you
through a difficult time in your life.
3. Name five people who have taught you
some worthwhile lesson.
4. Think of a few people who have made you
feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending
time with.
6. Name a half dozen heroes whose stories
have inspired you.
Easier?
The lesson?
The people who make a difference in your
life aren't the ones with the most
credentials, the most money, or the most
awards. They're the ones who care. |
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(do you trust me?) |
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| RIP |
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| 08:32am 04/09/2006 |
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Associated Press
Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin Killed
09.04.2006, 06:14 AM
Steve Irwin, the hugely popular Australian television personality and conservationist known as the "Crocodile Hunter," was killed Monday by a stingray while filming off the Great Barrier Reef. He was 44.
Irwin was at Batt Reef, off the remote coast of northeastern Queensland state, shooting a segment for a series called "Ocean's Deadliest" when he swam too close to one of the animals, which have a poisonous bard on their tails, his friend and colleague John Stainton said.
"He came on top of the stingray and the stingray's barb went up and into his chest and put a hole into his heart," said Stainton, who was on board Irwin's boat at the time.
Crew members aboard the boat, Croc One, called emergency services in the nearest city, Cairns, and administered CPR as they rushed the boat to nearby Low Isle to meet a rescue helicopter. Medical staff pronounced Irwin dead when they arrived a short time later, Stainton said.
Irwin was famous for his enthusiasm for wildlife and his catchword "Crikey!" in his television program "Crocodile Hunter." First broadcast in Australia in 1992, the program was picked up by the Discovery network, catapulting Irwin to international celebrity.
He rode his image into a feature film, 2002's "The Crocodile Hunters: Collision Course" and developed the wildlife park that his parents opened, Australia Zoo, into a major tourist attraction.
"The world has lost a great wildlife icon, a passionate conservationist and one of the proudest dads on the planet," Stainton told reporters in Cairns. "He died doing what he loved best and left this world in a happy and peaceful state of mind. He would have said, 'Crocs Rule!'"
Prime Minister John Howard, who hand-picked Irwin to attend a gala barbecue to honor President Bush when he visited in 2003, said he was "shocked and distressed at Steve Irwin's sudden, untimely and freakish death."
"It's a huge loss to Australia," Howard told reporters. "He was a wonderful character. He was a passionate environmentalist. He brought joy and entertainment and excitement to millions of people."
Irwin, who made a trademark of hovering dangerously close to untethered crocodiles and leaping on their backs, spoke in rapid-fire bursts with a thick Australian accent and was almost never seen without his uniform of khaki shorts and shirt and heavy boots.
His ebullience was infectious and Australian officials sought him out for photo opportunities and to promote Australia internationally.
Irwin's public image was dented, however, in 2004 when he caused an uproar by holding his infant son in one arm while feeding large crocodiles inside a zoo pen. Irwin claimed at the time there was no danger to the child, and authorities declined to charge Irwin with violating safety regulations.
Later that year, he was accused of getting too close to penguins, a seal and humpback whales in Antarctica while making a documentary. Irwin denied any wrongdoing, and an Australian Environment Department investigation recommended no action be taken against him.
Stingrays have a serrated, toxin-loaded barb, or spine, on the top of their tail. The barb, which can be up to 10 inches long, flexes if a ray is frightened. Stings usually occur to people when they step on or swim too close to a ray and can be excruciatingly painful but are rarely fatal, said University of Queensland marine neuroscientist Shaun Collin.
Collin said he suspected Irwin died because the barb pierced under his ribcage and directly into his heart.
"It was extraordinarily bad luck. It's not easy to get spined by a stingray and to be killed by one is very rare," Collin said.
News of Irwin's death spread quickly, and tributes flowed from all quarters of society.
At Australia Zoo at Beerwah, south Queensland, floral tributes were dropped at the entrance, where a huge fake crocodile gapes. Drivers honked their horns as they passed.
"Steve, from all God's creatures, thank you. Rest in peace," was written on a card with a bouquet of native flowers.
"We're all very shocked. I don't know what the zoo will do without him. He's done so much for us, the environment and it's a big loss," said Paula Kelly, a local resident and volunteer at the zoo, after dropping off a wreath at the gate.
Stainton said Irwin's American-born wife Terri, from Eugene, Ore., had been informed of his death, and had told their daughter Bindi Sue, 8, and son Bob, who will turn 3 in December.
The couple met when she went on vacation in Australia in 1991 and visited Irwin's Australia Zoo; they were married six months later. Sometimes referred to as the "Crocodile Huntress," she costarred on her husband's television show and in his 2002 movie.
(http://www.forbes.com/business/healthcare/feeds/ap/2006/09/0
4/ap2991321.html) |
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| 02:11pm 27/08/2006 |
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mood:  relaxed music: Mark Knopfler
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GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
"As you wish" was all he ever said to her.
DISSOLVE TO:
WESTLEY, outside, chopping wood. Buttercup drops two large buckets near him.
BUTTERCUP
Farm Boy. Fill these with water --
(a beat)
--please.
WESTLEY
As you wish.
She leaves; his eyes stay on her. She stops, turns -- he manages to look away as now her eyes stay on him.
GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying, "As you wish," what he meant was, "I love you."
DISSOLVE TO:
BUTTERCUP IN THE KITCHEN - DUSK
Westley enters with an armload of firewood.
GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.
BUTTERCUP
(pointing to a pitcher that she could reach herself)
Farm Boy, fetch me that pitcher.
He gets it, hands it to her; they are standing very close to each other gazing into each other's eyes.
WESTLEY
As you wish. |
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| 09:09pm 21/06/2006 |
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mood: uncomfortable music: New Slang
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Note to self:
burnt ankles hurt a lot |
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(do you trust me?) |
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| 03:00pm 24/05/2006 |
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mood:  busy music: Danny Elfman + The Shins + Iron and Wine
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I don't feel angry today
I just keep thinking of lovely people
and I'm happy that they're so lovely |
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(1 mystery | do you trust me?) |
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thestarsiren's journal